Pregnancy details so far

I am jumping back on here because a few friends have said I NEED to keep a journal about my pregnancy because it will be great to look back on. So I am gonna stick with it! Plus I LOVE reading other bloggers pregnancy updates.

If you have read some past posts of mine you would know my husband and I  have struggled to conceive and its been a VERY tough road. Long story short shortly after getting married we started ttc, found out I have PCOS, and we began our med journey to parenthood. In August 2011 I had a miscarriage but we keep trekking along.

Here is what FINALLY worked for us:
- I have been on metformin since May 2011
- I dropped kicked Clomid out the window (I was so over it not working) I asked doc for a new med thinking maybe we could try injectables, but she suggested Femara (similar to Clomid) so I figured what the hell lets give it a shot.
- Took 5 mg cd 3-7
- On cd 15 went in for an ultrasound and had 2 large follicles (I pretty much did a little happy dance then and there bc on Clomid I was lucky to get one follicle by cd 20).
- The next day Michael and I took a trip to NYC for an early Christmas visit (mid dec). Since I wasn't picking up an LH surge on ovulation tests doc said to get the HCG shot and since I was out of town to give it to myself. I had the RX but didn't know where to get it filled. Thanks to smartphones I was able to find a fertility specialist near the hotel, call the after hours line (it was Sun) and the nurse called me back. Recommended a pharmacy for me that was a short subway ride away. We finally got it filled and on Mon morning Michael enjoyed giving me the HCG shot (didnt hurt at all just bruised some).
- Now the sex and waiting begins/continues.

- It ended up that testing time fell right on New Years - we took this as a great sign. I normally test early (I have no patience) but I promised Michael I would wait until New Years Day - he wanted to start the year off right. Boy was he right. New Years Day came - I tested (multiple times) and got several very good positives!


The next day I went to see my RE and do the blood test and my HCG levels were GREAT at 130 something (at this time in my last pregnancy I was only in the 20s). My doc called personally to tell me. We were THRILLED but very scared. We kept it a secret for now. A couple days later we took a trip to PA to visit Michaels family for Orthodox Christmas.We decided to tell his family at the end of the trip (after a few more blood tests). So while up there we had to go to a local Quest to get blood drawn again to confirm the numbers were doubling (and booya they did!). So we decided on Christmas night while opening presents to tell his family, but swore them to secrecy!

After we got back in town had some more blood work and everything was looking good we decided to tell my parents. We all went out to dinner for my birthday and we told my parents then. They were THRILLED!!

I started getting ultrasounds at 6 weeks and the doc got a heartbeat right away. Michael and I were thrilled! We had another ultrasound w/ the specialist at 7 weeks - still looking good so I "graduated" from ACRM and was able to move to a regular doc.

At 8 weeks we went and saw a new doc, had another ultrasound and everything looked good.

Since then I have just been battling some morning sickness, headaches, and trying to get use to the whole thing. On Valentines Day (10 weeks) we decided to announce to the world. We had told some close friends and family here and there between 8 and 10 weeks.

Now that its out in the open it actually feels kinda real. Still totally weird and I cant believe it.

I am already starting to show, mostly in maternity pants and long shirts (because I sit all day - I cant sit in button pants for long). Morning sickness is pretty much gone and we go for another ultrasound/down syndrome check on Wed.

Whew! So here we are - almost 12 weeks and just hanging in there trying to be patient!

So What if...

We're HAVING A BABY!!!

I decided linking up w/ Shannon was a good way to spill the beans on why I have been MIA from blogging!

I promise to now keep up with my blog and share on all baby details. A bunch of friends told me to keep a diary of the pregnancy so I couldnt think of a better way then this!

I will post a detailed recount of the last 3 months shortly. 

All About Me #1

Jessica from From Marriage to Motherhood proposed a great idea to do an About Me series w/ 30 questions/prompts. I decided to jump in!

List 20 random facts about yourself.

1. I am usually sitting with my legs crossed in a chair. I HATE sitting with my legs on the floor. My legs are short and it hurts my knees. 
2. I bring lots of food to work and rarely eat it. 
3. I cannot stand the sound of chewing! Not my chewing, but if people around me are chewing. 
4. I am a hypochondriac. 
5. I wish my body was see through.
6. When falling asleep I have to have the TV on a certain channel (Nick at Nite) on certain TV shows (Everybody Loves Raymond, Roseanne, King of Queens) or sports. If it is on something I havn't seen or a movie I will stay up and watch it. The volume also has to be loud enough so I hear something, but cant make out the words. Drives my husband NUTS! 
7. I am a VERY light sleeper. If I fall asleep before my husband he cannot change the channel because if he does before I am in REM sleep then I wake up. I wake up to roll over. I wake up a lot. 
8. My dad died when I was 14 so I panic if I call my mom or husband and they dont pick up.  
9. I prefer sitting on my couch, snuggled with my husband and dogs then going out. 
10. I HATE doing laundry. Well more like I hate folding or putting away laundry. 
11. I wear the same two pieces of jewerly everyday - my wedding ring and my celtic cross necklace Michael got me from Savannah
12. I keep going back and forth between would I want to be a teacher or nurse when "I grow up"
13. i critique parents and how they raise their children.  
14. I am not a fan of breakfast foods.
15. I HATE eggs.
16. I hate blow drying and straightening my hair bc it takes so long but I hate my hair wavy (its so big!). 
17. I cannot seem to keep my closet or car clutter free to save my life. But my husband's closet and car are always clean. I dont get it. 
18. I wish I could work part-time. 
19. I have no ambition to climb the corporate ladder or create new things. 
20. I want one thing in the world that I cant seem to get - motherhood. 

Time for margaritas

I know I have been MIA its because I have been doing another cycle and didn't wanna post details in case it went well because we are not going to tell anyone until we are 100% know we are in the clear. Well...me posting means no good news. Our FIFTH round has ended in NO pregnancy! I had every damn symptom in the book and I was convinced it was finally our time. Timing on everything would of been perfect...but no...why the hell would we get what we want. We had to wait TWO DAMN MONTHS before trying again and it was a super long cycle bc my body wouldnt respond to the medicines and no nothing... its just not fair. I just cant understand why us. Whats even more frustrating is it seems I am surrounded by pregnancy and babies.

Nurse said we would try clomid one last time, but I dont want to. I want to move onto to stronger meds bc I do not respond great to Clomid. I am just SUPER frustrated and feel like this will never happen for us.

Fab Friday

I am linking up w/ Laura for Fab Fridays!

• First of all its Friday...whew!
• I have NO plans for the weekend. Ok well 2 - gotta do some homework and going to a friends get together. But thats it!
• I am starting to look like I have lost weight. Wish the scale showed it...
• I think we are making progress on the infertility process :) Only time will tell 
• Michael and I have a credit card and car pay off plan...now if shit would stop breaking in our house we were be ok
• My family in NYC only had minor hiccups w/ the storm (lost some power) and Michaels family in Pa were hit at all
• Dogs went in for check ups and are both good - going for deep teeth cleaning next week...kinda nervous! 

I hope everyone has a good weekend! 

So What Wednesday!

I am linking up w/ Shannon and saying So What to...

1. I am thinking of switching docs, but I dont wanna start this stupid process all over again.
2. I have no more patience w/ doctors and ttc
3. I had a meltdown yesterday about how tough ttc is
4. ttc consumes my mind!
5. I listen to Dave Ramsey every afternoon but do not believe in his principles 100%
6. I like to look at my wedding photos
7. When TTC stresses me out I turn to BabyCenter.com 
8. I LOVE reading the blogs I follow
9. I am really over the whole going to class thing...can we fast forward 2 years

So What Wednesday!

I am linking up w/ Shannon for SWW!

So what if...

• Watching the presidential debate only made me annoyed about the candidates and made me not want to vote for either. 
• I am excited to actually start my period next week
• my dogs are spoiled and sleep in the same bed as us
• I wish I could fast forward two weeks
• I would be SUPER bummed if the Braves traded Uggla - i love Uggla!
• I really dont like going to class, but can't wait to be a teacher
• I have a little click in my co hort program and we work well together and dont wanna work with about half of the others

October 15

I know...I am a day late. I didn't even really know what yesterday was. But yesterday (October 15) was Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day. Back in October I suffered an early miscarriage. While it was heartbreaking I know women who have been through so much worse then me. I pray everyday that was my one and only miscarriage. But only God knows that and I have to stop trying to control it.

Fab Friday

I have decided to link up w/ Laura for Fab Friday!

Here are the fab things going on this week:

• Michael and I celebrated one year of marriage on Tuesday Oct. 9th. We enjoyed a nice dinner out and well that was about it. He did get me a new charm for my Pandora bracelet.
• We are going to Pigeon Forge this weekend for our anniversary. We got a cabin and are looking forward to a couple days of doing NOTHING. No work, no school (I am in between classes), hopefully no phone calls. We do not have to be anywhere at any specific time. We can do whatever we want!
• I think I got B's in both my classes - maybe an A in one instead of a B
• My parents are getting the itch to buy a mountain/lake house again. My stepdad had one for a long time, but after it was broken into he decided to sell it to some developers. That was before the bug bust. 
• I am excited for our weekend trips to Savannah and New York coming up! 

Our current roadblock

As I mentioned in August I had a miscarriage/chemical pregnancy at 5 weeks. I was heartbroken and so angry (still am if i think about it). We went and saw a different doctor in the practice (a female doc this time who was new and young). She recommended I take Sept off to let my body rest and to focus on loosing 10 lbs. Just loosing 10 lbs could help significantly with sustaining a pregnancy. I am finding out loosing weight is SUPER hard with PCOS. I have tried to cut out sugar and carbs and stick to 1800 calories a day. I was doing good and lost about 7 lbs right away, but then stopped. Uhh..super frustrating.  I need to get better at working out, I know....I am seeing the nutritionist on Tuesday. I was really looking forward to the weight loss that is suppose to come with being on Metformin, but instead I have gained weight thanks to all the meds. SUPER annoying!

So we took off the month of Sept from TTC. I did not ovulate on my own so around the end of the month I called for a RX for Provera since I was almost at the 10 lbs mark. Once this new cycle started I went in for my routine cycle day 3 ultrasound. They check lining, check for cysts, and hormone levels. And of course wouldn't you know - I have a large cyst on my left ovary. I wanted to punch the Nurse Practitioner in the face! I already had to wait out one month - now I have to wait yet ANOTHER month! FYI you cannot take fertility meds while you have a cyst. It wont work properly and you risk the cyst rupturing. This whole process has been SUPER frustrating. So we are now taking the month of October off, I am on birth control pills to make the cyst go away and we will try again at the end of the month. I did some calculations and if everything goes as planned next cycle (fingers crossed) and I get pregnant I will be due end of July and we can tell our families around Christmas time (We are waiting for around 8 weeks to tell parents next time).

We are shooting for a summer baby since I am currently in school and have the summer off. It would be a little easier, but I wont put TTC on hold if it doesnt happen. And we all know how well my plans go :)

So until the end of the month I am taking it easier and back to focusing on loosing weight. I am curious about what the nutritionist has to say.

Best Christmas ever!

This year is going to be the best Christmas ever! Michael surprised me yesterday w/ an early Christmas/anniversary present - we are going to New York City the weekend before Christmas! I have ALWAYS wanted to go up there around Christmas time. We usually go to Pa in January, but its too late to sneak up to New York. I am already planning the cheesy stuff like seeing the tree, ice skating in Central Park, and checking out the window displays. New York is one of my favorite cities in the world. I am still kicking myself for not going after an internship at a PR firm up there (I had just gotten a full time job offer down here.) I would move up there in a heart beat if one of us got a job there.

I am SUPER excited!!

First RE Visit

In my earlier post I talked about our infertility struggle. You will see me refer to my doctor as an RE (Reproductive Endocrinologist) aka fertility doc. At the end of May Michael and I went to see one at one of the larger practices near where we live. The doc wasn't the most personable, but he doesnt have to be. During our first visit he asked us some questions and looked over all my records (other doc sent all testing and everything) and told me I have PCOS which basically means I do not ovulate due to insulin and blood sugar being off. The best way to combat this is to start taking Metformin and try to loose some weight. (I am not crazy over weight, but I am at my heaviest - 5'3 175lbs). So he recommended taking the month of June off from all the fertility meds and let my body adjust to the Metformin (nasty med!) and maybe my body would respond and start ovulating on my own (I have given up on this notion). So I did as told, even though I wasn't a happy camper.

If you have never been on Metformin let me tell you I hope you never have to. Its strong stuff and is not gentle on your stomach. It took my body a good 3 weeks to adjust to the meds. I still get upset stomachs and feel sick if I eat to much sugar or carbs or anything greasy. I am on two 750 extended release mg...whew! I have been on this med since the end of May, but have yet to ovulate on my own

Which sucks major big time....bc in case you didn't know you cannot get pregnant with out ovulating. All tests show my eggs are good quality and his sperm is normal, but my body just does not want to let go of those eggs.

First trip off the fall

This fall Michael and I are traveling a lot. Our first trip was a weekend in Philly for his cousin's wedding. They had it at a really cool old bank that is now an art gallery. Really pretty, very classy and modern wedding. We all had a lot of fun. We had a BUSY weekend.

Friday morning we flew up (got bumped to first class...yeah buddy!). We were staying at the Omni near the venue (really nice hotel), went to the Reading Terminal Marketing. If you have never been there is like a giant food court, but better. There are a bunch of Amish selling very tasty food. Then that night we went to the rehearsal dinner and enjoyed time with family. (I am horrible about not taking photos...sorry!)

Friday night Michael, his mom, and I did a walking ghost tour of Philly. I like to do one in every city we visit (and every time we go to Savannah). This one was more of a story telling tour (which they normally are) but the guy was an actor, but a paranormal investigator.  But since we were staying near Independence Hall and the older parts of Philly it was pretty interesting.

Saturday was the wedding - we took it easy during the day. Just did a lot of walking around with Michael parents then got ready for the wedding. Which was beautiful and we had fun dancing and killing my feet in heels.

Sunday we threw a baby shower for our best friends. I have mentioned Mike and Jess before - we are god parents to their daughter Kylee. They have a son due in January. His name is gonna be Carter (isnt that cute!). Anyway Jess's mom and I threw them a baby shower/picnic to get them some boy stuff. I didn't think it was gonna go well, but it did and everyone seemed happy so thats all that matters to me. 

Super bummed we never made it to the Edgar Allen Poe House in Philly...next time.

Here are some photos from the wedding I stole off Facebook...again I am HORRIBLE about taking photos.

PCOS and TTC

Wow...so I havn't blogged in two months...oops! I read the blogs I follow daily, but keep forgetting to actually blog myself. Well now I have a story to tell and that story is called PCOS and infertility and what a PAIN IN THE ASS it is. Subtle much? Yeah I didnt think so. Anywho the last two months have been full of baby planning and meds. Since there are SOO many women out there struggling w/ this I thought I would share my story and thoughts and hopefully soon my successes :)

Infertility and trying to conceive (ttc) is so time consuiming and always in your head with EVERYTHING you do. Can I sign up to play softball this summer or will I get pregnant? Will I be pregnant on the next family vaca? Can I take a new job...what if it all finally works next month? These are the thoughts I deal with on an almost daily basis. Here is my story and where we are now:

Dec 2011 - went in for a yearly check up and told doc we wanted a baby. I had gone off birth control in October when we got married and still had not had a period. (I always had irregular periods, except when on birth control). Doc had me do blood work, but physically everything seemed fine.

Jan 2012 - After getting back in town from vacation (we REALLY thought we would be pregnant by this point and could tell family as a Christmas present..sadly that wasnt so). I still have not had a period since Oct and doc called and said all blood work was normal. So we went in to talk with her about now what. She told us to get some tests done (HSG and semen analysis) and in two weeks if still no period take Provera (to induce period) then start my first round of Clomid. If you are like me and Michael we had never heard of any of this stuff, but Clomid is the most common drug given to women who are ttc. It is taken for usually 5 days on certain days of your cycle and is suppose to make you ovulate. You time sex to hopefully catch that mother lovin egg. Its powerful stuff w/ LOTS of side effects...none of which are pleasant. I also started temping. Temping is taking your basal body temp every morning before you even open your eyes. Its tells you what your body is doing.

Feb - Began Clomid. Took cycle days (cd) 3-7. Had an HSG (hysterosalpingogram) on cd 8. The test consists of a doc inserting a cather into your uterus and taking xrays of your tubes and uterus to make sure there are no blockages.  Everything went smooth and looked perfect. So we crossed our fingers and hoped for the best. Doc had me do blood work 7 days post ovulation (dpo) to check and make sure I ovulated. Well sadly I never ovulated that cycle...booo...so on to Provera and on to the next cycle.

March - Cycle #2 w/ Clomid. Did 50 mg of Clomid on days 3-9 this cycle was THE WORST! My total meds were 50 mg of clomid cd 3-9, estrogen patch cd 9-12 and progesterone cream cd 12 on.  From the moment I took the meds I felt bad and anxious. I had major depression for about 2 weeks and terrible anxiety. Plus anger...I was soo bad and felt so stressed and overwhelmed. I wouldn't recommend that on anyone! Sadly again I ovulated, but barely. My progesterone level was only a 5 soo boo...no baby and on to the next round

April/May - Cycle #3 w/ Clomid - I was super nervous to do this again. After the last cycle I was scared I would have the same side effects. My doctor (still w/ my regular gyno at this point) had me do the same med combo as last cycle. Again no luck. I did ovulate, but again only at a 5 (this was mid may by this point). Super bummed...Doc said I could do one more cycle w/ her at 100 mg or go see a specialist. We opted for the specialist. While I loved my doc I knew I needed more care.

At the end of May I saw my first Reproductive Endocrinologist. I will make this another post.

Its been a LOONG Journey and sadly full of dead ends and punches in the stomach. Good thing is I know I am not alone.

I am back and linking up w/ Shannon w/ my favorite So What Wednesdays

This week I am saying so what to...

• I catch up on my shows at work during lunch...gotta love being able to watch my shows online
• I eat lunch at 11 - most of my co-workers come in later (around 10) and stay late, but I am now an early bird rising at 6 and eating lunch at 11 and dinner at like 6 then in bed by 10.
• If we have been going to bed around 10...Michael gets up at 5:30 and I get up at 6 am
• If I drink a Diet Coke a day...I love the stuff
• I listen to Broadway musicals on Pandora during work - its up beat
• I am SUPER excited for our weekend trip to New York around Christmas time and already planning what to do. 
• I am done hiding our fertility struggles. I am not shouting it from the roof tops or posting stuff on Facebook, but there are so many women going through this and I hope to help them.
• I LOVE doing my classroom observations in a kindergarten classroom and never want to leave...maybe I can be a kindergarten teacher once I am done w/ school 
• I get a ping of jealously when I see yet another person announce their pregnancy or new baby. I am only human

One Year!

Today Michael and I celebrate one year of marriage! I was about to walk down the aisle at this exact time one year ago today. We had a BEAUTIFUL wedding that I am really proud of. We did a great job of planning it. Our wedding was on a Sunday (hey it saved us a LOT of money!). We got married in a local Greek Orthodox Church then had our reception at a local swim and tennis club (kinda like a country club). I was very lucky to have most of my family and Michaels family join us that day to celebrate. I am not good with being the center of attention so I tried to stay out of the lime light (which is really hard as a bride). It is the one thing I struggled w/ and wish I would of just gotten over. I was shy and you could tell by some of my photos. But thats ok.

This year went by super fast, but also it feels like we have been married forever. It feels natural for us. I could not imagine our lives any other way. We have had some struggles this year and still learning to navigate our way, but are doing it together. I look forward to what life has in store for us. I just pray its not too hard :)

Here are some photos from our perfect day!

The Church

 My Stepdad walking me down the aisle

 Our first kiss as husband and wife. You kiss before walking out the door at an Orthodox ceremony

 My flowers were BEAUTIFUL! They were all roses - dark oranges and reds. Bridesmaids had a smaller version.

 The wedding party - girls in brown dresses, burgundy shoes, and guys in burnt oranges vests w/ black tuxes

 My something blue

 One of my favorite photos

 My fav girls

 Yup - he smashed it in my face

worst feeling in the world

I blogged a little while ago that my husband and I were having issues having a baby. Well we are in the thick of fertility treatments and sadly no good news to report.

In May (after three failed rounds of meds w/ my regular doc) we went to a specialist and the doctor told me I have PCOS - Polycystic ovary syndrome. Mine seems very mild, but still a hassle. Everyones PCOS is different. I thankfully do not have any cysts, but I do have a lot of acne, hard time loosing weight, and excess body hair. I also carry all my weight in my midsection. The doctor had me start taking 1500 mg of Metformin everyday. We took the month of June off to relax and get use to the medicine. In July I began my first cycle with the specialist. This included 100 mg of Clomid cycle days 5-9 and continued the metformin. I began going in for regular blood work and ultrasounds. On cycle day 14 when I should be almost ready to ovulate I still had no mature follicles so the doctor had me do more Clomid this time 200 mg for 5 days and start dexamesthone. Thankfully a couple days after I finished the Clomid I have one mature follicle measuring at 25 mm and no need for a trigger shot (shot of HCG to trick your body into ovulating). a week later blood work revealed I have a strong ovulation. A couple days later I saw two beautiful (faint, but still there) lines on a home test. We were THRILLED but cautious. I went into the doctor a couple days later for blood work to confirm. My numbers were low (only a 16) but I was pregnant. I went in two more times for more checks, sadly my numbers never doubled like they were suppose to and on Tuesday 8/21 my numbers began to drop and the nurse informed me that I would soon miscarry.

Talk about a giant punch in the stomach. Every hope, dream, and plan out the window. I wanted to punch someone anyone, but all I could do was cry. I feel like a statistic and like a failure. I know there is no rhyme or reason to it all, but it still sucks. I am sad, mad, and numb at the same time. My body is suppose to be one thing and it failed me. I know most of my thoughts are irrational, but you cant help it. I feel like God is punishing me and that we must not be worthy enough for a family. The past couple days have been a roller coaster of emotions. The worst has been telling our families. We had JUST told my parents the exciting news and were looking forward to telling his parents when we saw them for a wedding next month. Instead we had to tell them the HORRIBLE news.

Michael has been WONDERFUL. He is letting me sad, mad, happy and all over the place. The only person placing blame and shame on me is me. Now I am in the limbo waiting period waiting for the actual miscarriage to happen. 

Please keep us and our families in your prayers. We could use them.

So What!

I havn't done this in forever! Gonna try and get back into blogging. Here is what I am saying SO WHAT to!

• I have felt no desire to work lately...its getting kinda bad...
• I have decided to one day become a special ed teacher - and it kinda freaks me out, but exciting
• I am only 25 and want to start a family terribly bad!
• I like Michael w/ a beard - who knew! 
• Most of my friends live in other states
• I want to leave Ga TERRIBLY!!
• I am pretending my water is ice cream...this whole no sugar thing is a giant pain! 
• Ever since the Kenny Chesney/Tim McGraw concert the other day I have had Kenny Chesney on repeat...

infertility...

My husband hates that word, but sadly its the truth. I was hoping I would give you the details of my last 2 months in a wonderful blog where I announced my pregnancy. But sadly that is not the case. I am entering my 2nd cycle of meds to assist in getting pregnant. Ain't it fun!

Truth is - its not fun. It SUCKS! But also not very uncommon. Michael and I are not screaming it from the roof tops, but we also are not keeping it as big of a secret as before. We told very little people about our first round of meds, but I have finally told my mom and some coworkers and close friends know.

Here is our story and if this is TMI well then too bad. I have never had regular periods. Like never. I have gone 2, 4, even 6 months before w/ my friendly aunt flo visit. Until I started on birth control. Everything was great. I am one of the few who loved being on birth control (once I found the right one). Michael and I talked family a lot and decided that after our wedding I would go off birth control and we would see what happens. We were not trying, but wern't not not trying also. We both hoped that we would be able to give the gift of pregnancy news as a Christmas present, but sadly nope. I went off birth control in Oct and by Christmas, still had no period. I wasn't worried, this was "normal" for me. Even though I did secretly wish birth control would reset my body.

Anyway, in Dec I went to the doc for a yearly visit anyway and mentioned we wanted to try and start a family. I doc did some blood work and said everything felt fine. Blood work came back fine (this is mid Jan now - had to wait out the holidays....still no period). Only thing was I had not ovulated yet. She gave me a medicine (Provera) to help bring my period on then I could start a new cycle and start meds.

Had to wait 2 weeks to make sure I wasnt pregnant to start Provera. Took 5 mg for 10 days, 7 days later finally my period came. I was instructed to take Clomid cycle days 3-7. I had to get an HSG xray done (Hysterosalpinhgogram - you can read more here) It opens your tubes and makes sure there is no bloackages. Everything clear! My doc and even the nurses said this will help get your pregnant bc the tubes are already opened.

I had to keep track of my temps every morning and get progesterone tested cycle day 21. Well I thought I ovulated cycle day 20 - so I waited and got my blood work cycle day 27. My doc called me the next day (this was last Thursday) and my level was only at a .7 - yikes! It needs to be about a 10 to confirm ovulation.

Went to the doc yesterday to talk about plan b bc well that didnt work AT ALL! She is going to keep me at 50 mg, but take it longer. This time cycle days 3-9. Then do an estrogen patch cycle day 9-12 then progesterone gel day 12- to either another period or 13 weeks pregnant.

Thats my story....I am NOT one of the lucky ones who can get pregnant right away...and its a major blow, even though I always had the feeling this wouldnt be easy for me. My body is not doing the one thing it needs to do - ovulate! Going through this process I have learned more then I ever knew about the human body and reproduction.

I hope my story can help others. I will continue to share my story and struggle and hopefully success!

11 years...

11 years ago (Feb 13, 2001) my dad passed away. I was 14 and in the 8th grade. I remember that day and the days following like it was yesterday.  A boy I had a crush on (Brad) asked me out that morning and I was super excited! Around mid morning the office called me and my younger brother into the office and said our mom was picking us up. We waiting for what seemed like HOURS and our neighbor picked us up. I knew something was wrong, but thought it was our grandma. When we got home my mom told us our dad had passed away early that morning. I remember my knees buckling and I just collapsed on the kitchen floor. I dont remember crying then...I remember feeling numb and shocked. I went into the living room to watch TV and on of my favorite movies was on (My Girl). My mom suggested it wasnt the best movie to watch, but for some reason it was comforting to me. My youngest brother was still in elementary school, my mom waited until he got home from school to tell him. The days following were a blur of running around getting things ready to go to Chicago for the funeral. That first night we all slept in the living room. I would also lock myself in the bathroom and SCREAM at God and question why. My dad was my best friend, why him. I still don't know but its not our place to know. He has a plan for all of us.

My dad passed away on a business trip in Texas. Which is oddly comforting that it was not in our house. It was completly natural, in his sleep. He had heart problems his whole life, born with a messed up valve. Had it replaced when I was 4 with a pig valve (I loved laying on his chest and listening to it). When I was 13 (Nov 2000) he had to have it replaced (you have to every 10 years). While in surgery they found an aneurism and did a triple by pass. His heart just couldnt take it anymore and he passed away in his sleep.

It still sucks so much to think about. Especially since my brothers were never that close with him and dont remember much because they were so young. It still stings, but its ok. God has a plan for all of us.