I blogged a little while ago that my husband and I were having issues having a baby. Well we are in the thick of fertility treatments and sadly no good news to report.
In May (after three failed rounds of meds w/ my regular doc) we went to a specialist and the doctor told me I have PCOS - Polycystic ovary syndrome. Mine seems very mild, but still a hassle. Everyones PCOS is different. I thankfully do not have any cysts, but I do have a lot of acne, hard time loosing weight, and excess body hair. I also carry all my weight in my midsection. The doctor had me start taking 1500 mg of Metformin everyday. We took the month of June off to relax and get use to the medicine. In July I began my first cycle with the specialist. This included 100 mg of Clomid cycle days 5-9 and continued the metformin. I began going in for regular blood work and ultrasounds. On cycle day 14 when I should be almost ready to ovulate I still had no mature follicles so the doctor had me do more Clomid this time 200 mg for 5 days and start dexamesthone. Thankfully a couple days after I finished the Clomid I have one mature follicle measuring at 25 mm and no need for a trigger shot (shot of HCG to trick your body into ovulating). a week later blood work revealed I have a strong ovulation. A couple days later I saw two beautiful (faint, but still there) lines on a home test. We were THRILLED but cautious. I went into the doctor a couple days later for blood work to confirm. My numbers were low (only a 16) but I was pregnant. I went in two more times for more checks, sadly my numbers never doubled like they were suppose to and on Tuesday 8/21 my numbers began to drop and the nurse informed me that I would soon miscarry.
Talk about a giant punch in the stomach. Every hope, dream, and plan out the window. I wanted to punch someone anyone, but all I could do was cry. I feel like a statistic and like a failure. I know there is no rhyme or reason to it all, but it still sucks. I am sad, mad, and numb at the same time. My body is suppose to be one thing and it failed me. I know most of my thoughts are irrational, but you cant help it. I feel like God is punishing me and that we must not be worthy enough for a family. The past couple days have been a roller coaster of emotions. The worst has been telling our families. We had JUST told my parents the exciting news and were looking forward to telling his parents when we saw them for a wedding next month. Instead we had to tell them the HORRIBLE news.
Michael has been WONDERFUL. He is letting me sad, mad, happy and all over the place. The only person placing blame and shame on me is me. Now I am in the limbo waiting period waiting for the actual miscarriage to happen.
Please keep us and our families in your prayers. We could use them.
